Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I have such baby soft skin to ever be a comdian.

I always tried to make people laugh. I don't think I'm that funny but I know for a fact my weird sense of humor has definitely gotten me out trouble during my Jr. High days.
I've had people who have said that maybe I should get on stage one day for open mic, but I know there is a huge difference making a bunch of friends who are drunk laugh and making an audience laugh, especially for your first time.
I'm sure one day I'll grow the balls (or drink all of Ireland) and make my break till that dream day.
I have to contend with the fear of dealing with comedic peers. This doesn't sound that ban...unless you were fortunate to watch the self-esteem slaughter house which was The Joan Rivers Roast on Comedy Central.
I have never seen the such a crucifixion in super slow-motion before. I'm not saying the roast was bad far from it but it was brutal. I haven't heard jokes that fucked since I saw that movie The Aristocrats.
I do not have that thick of skin. I would've had to skin a couple of neighbors just prevent from shitting myself from just watching.
Gilbert Godfrey I would have to say was the true star of the roast. What came out of this squinty-eyed mother fuckers mouth was dam near heart stopping. His routine about how when Robin Quivers (Co-host on the Howard Stern Show) father would molest her he secretly was thinking about molesting her sister. My groin tightened up like a soccer player had mistaken my balls for the winning shot of the World Cup.
Holy shit, every comedian that had the honor of saying a little something about Joan Rivers was on fire about setting this woman on fire. I have to say Joan Rivers is the best sport in the Universe. She has always made me laugh but the barrage she took that night was like watch the Running of the Bulls except with all the runners strapped down on gynecology stirrups facing the bulls. Even when Joan Rivers came up to thank her guests. She tore into these kids like baby seals. No one walked out of that Roast with the same numbers of assholes they walked in with.
It was like a gladiatorial fight, entertaining with a lot of blood loss, but I guess it showed how tough comedians really are. Fuck mixed martial arts or even gunshots. Nothing hits hard like insult-comedy. They cut deep, hard, and constantly and these comedians walked it off like it was a summer breeze. Well, at least that what it looked like on the TV.
This was no holds bard entertainment...I just hate to see what the natural progression will be for "the roast". The new and improved roast will be a short monologue followed by someone pouring battery acid in the eyes of the guest of honor while he or she is gang raped by the audience. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard while during a state of shock. It was worth every cringing minute.
That's comedy folks and it hurts while it heals.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

It's about time and the view is spectacular!!!

So for the first time in cooking show history.(Well as far as I know.) I have finally seen some great vegetarian cooking on TV.
It seems that Top Chef Masters finally had a challenge worthy of my very picky pallet.
I have to note that I'm not in favor of censorship, but it does provide more challenges for those trying to get around these imposed barricades.
One example was Ren and Stimpy.
Ren and Stimpy use to be a kids show. For its time it was racy and quite fucked up for kids, but they still managed to maneuver their way around the censors. So if these crazy characters wanted to do something a little blue (which half the time was the whole show) they had to be creative about it. Then after Nickelodeon canceled them they were picked up years later by Spike TV. In their new home they pretty much had free range on any subject. Unfortunately...it just fell flat. It didn't have the same edge even though they could do anything. I guess the set limitations the show they had on Nickelodeon gave the artists and writers new ways of approaching these funny dilemmas with a minimal risk of bags of angry letters from concerned parents.
This same concept was played out in the kitchen. Now as a vegetarian it touches close to me to watch the Food Network or Top Chef and these chefs are great and they make all these incredibly delicious stuff but meal after meal it's meat meat meat.
That's fine but I'm left out by the fryer not being able to make any of these meals with out substitution. I know boundaries, creativity, but I would just to see vegetarians and even vegans represented at least once in this Food entertainment genre.
So finally the call was answered.Top Chef had a guest judge come in and judge the skill and creativity of these cooking Masters. The judge was none other than one of the most attractive actresses in Indie and hollywood movies Zooey Deschanel.
As the judge she had some dietary restrictions that the chef needed to fallow. For one she is a vegan, but not only that (and this is where it gets hard) She is soy and gluten intolerant. I'm a vegetarian so I still get me eggs and cheese, but soy and wheat products. Man, that is some pretty stiff code to live by including the food allergies.
I was even a little stumped on what the hell these Master Chefs were going to come up with. To my pleasant surprise these chefs pulled off some of the most scrumptious and really creative meals. You still got the constipated faces of having to go with out cooking an animal, but over all they proved that they were up to the challenge and that they were real masters.
The food they served were cooked with the same respect and expertise they would have used if it were Kobe beef that was the main ingredient. Cucumber gazpacho, Quinoa pasta with a medley of roasted and sun dried tomatoes, Grilled eggplant. The dished looked delicious and for the first time I saw vegetarian cooking presented in a good light, not some kind of Salad or flavorless tofu cubes. That episode was a moment of clarity. It can be done, it can be accepted, it can be just as delicious as all the other and you don't have to kill any animals to get it.
For so long since I started this trek of non-meat eating I had finally seen an eating movement receive it's much needed acknowledgment. I know it was definitely not on purpose but I have to thank Zooey Deschanel for putting it on the table and the chefs for making it happen. I know it is a bullshit reality show but for one episode it didn't taste as mindless as it looked.