Saturday, September 15, 2012

The world keeps turning and I'm still standing.

So I'm writing again.
This is how it must be for my sanity and no one else.
From my last entry, I have to say that I was lost in an emotional whirl wind of shit.
It's funny how you can put so much emphasis on one person that you forget that your own self worth. Hell, you even forget you have a life.  It may not be a James Bond life style of non stop action, but it is still your own.
I had forgotten this. i had forgotten myself.
Ferris Buller said it best. If you don't pay attention, life can pass you by.
He wasn't fucking around.
For the past six months I felt that I took one emotional back breaking blow after another. Sitting at home wallowing in a self made septic tank of self loathing and regret. Another beer, another cigarette, another reason to beat my self up, This is not who I am. But it happens to the best and worse of us.
I sat there for months torturing myself about some one special to me who had not only moved on, but was married and a family on the way.
Oppenheimer couldn't make closure this...efficient.
But life goes on.
This is a statement that was lost to me for a very long time. I couldn't let go, however there is no choice like the one you don't have.
So the feet must move. The journey must continue, regardless of how you feel or perceive yourself.
There must me motion, you must tredge through the trenches.
That which does not kill you, Gets you ready for the next event that will.
I can hack it.
I always do.
I'm stronger than what i give myself credit for.
And I can not be denied the talents that come from within.
New Dawns new days
Some start with sun, some start with rain.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Please, someone, spare me my pain.

A year later and my world has turned to shit.

I'm very lucky no one follows my blog. It has been too long since I've written here but it's the only sanctuary I have left.
The amount of venting I need to do, is something that I wish not to burden my friends with. I've done enough to pester them with my half-ass self inflicted dramas.
Where do I begin. about 6 months ago my Aunt was diagnosed with cancer. She is an Aunt that is so in line with my upbringing that I can't remember a time with out her. My uncle, god bless his soul, fought with her and by the graces of some omni present being that cares nothing for children, she is recovering.
She is alive and bearing the scars of a gladiator that refuses to roll over at what was deemed a losing battle. God is with her and she lives her life anew.  A symbol of strength and resilience. I love and cherish her and happy she had won out.
Then there are the tragedies. I lost my long time companion Shinobi who had succumbed to kidney failure. He was more than a cat to me. He had been through 13 yrs of my life. And we shared so much. I miss everyday. I hear his meow before I sleep. I miss ability to vanish and reappear with the stealth that gave him his name. I miss his green eyes and his friendly demeanor. He was loved by so many. I will miss him so much. I have to spread his ashes. Today will be that day. I love you Mister Mister.
The greatest loss I've experienced was my dearest friend Abbey. It would be 2 years ago that she had passed and if there was ever a time I needed her more would be now. Her absence has left a chasm that cannot be replaced. She had changed so many for the good. A blinding touch of wisdom and grace that surpasses glory in a way that all are blessed to have just spent a moment with her.
If there was ever a time I needed her most. Is now. I miss you my dear Abbey. May the Gods treat you right, or I'll destroy every last one of them. Go in peace and know that my love will never diminish, never wain. I hope one day we meet again. I do miss our talks.
Then came more...
I was in a relationship with someone very special. So special that I took it for granted. I never allowed it to flourish. My depression and self destruction had set in motion a demise I never though would rattle this bad. It was a relationship that had very weird beginnings. Awkward and slow, but grew strong. A bond that is still alive today, but not as one. Not anymore.
I was with my dear Pris for 5 1/2 years. Everyday was a marvel of ecstasy a happiness that I have never though possible. She loved me. She honestly and whole heartily loved me, and I loved her. I could not picture a day with out her smile, her dreams, her term oil and her joy. Alas, like all engagements of love in my life. I had destroyed it. My complacency and frigid treatment of her had smothered this once great love that we possessed. I smothered it like a kitten, holding it under water until its death rattle became calm. All is not a calm. All is not good. I miss her more now than ever.
She has found love in a new pair of arms, a new set of eyes and she is happy. I am happy for her. I truly am.
I have never met a person that has given so much of herself in everything that she does.  Her intelligence, compassion and drive are none that I've seen before. It's like being in orbit of the sun. Illuminating with all the glories of the universe; A force so powerful it bends time and space. I am lucky to know her and have the ability to call her friend, but Losing her has become my greatest regret. A badge of shame that I will bear for the rest of my life.
This has been my year.
My year of shit.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

So begins a long journey in what I really want to do with my life!

So last weekend I went to Sarasota to see Vanessa Del Rey final thesis at Ringling College of Art and Design. Now to say that I had a religious experience is an understatement.
I went to the Ringling thesis last year to see the thesis's of Chez Gomez, Keyla Valerio andVicki Price. Both shows were amazing, but this recent show in particular was a whole lot more personal. You see, Vanessa had decided to illustrate one of my stories for her thesis. When she told me this, even though it was against the thesis process, she did it anyway. She's very determined when she want's something. So when she finally finished up for thesis I couldn't wait to see what she had done.
When I got there I was amazed at the kind of talent is coming out of that school. Ringling is the equivalent to a Ninja Dojo. The best of the best go to this school and when they get out. It's hard to properly describe how fucking mind boggling, jaw droopingly, absolutely gob smacked, sucked through worm hole and vomited in a universe made of beer sprinklers and nicotine laden kitties, amazing these artists are. On top of the fact that one of these "divine" artist wanted to do a piece I wrote. I know that it was just a school project and I know it's not published work, but it was just what I needed to give purpose to my endless ramblings and yarns that I spin.
I have to admit seeing the Consuming Pleasure pages hung on the wall and the books being given away. I couldn't be in a more perfect place and in a more perfect state of mind.
The best thing about all of this.
It's only the beginning.
So please check out the master herself Vanessa R. Del Rey @
Oh and I forgot to add enjoy Ms. Del Rey's thesis

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Top 10 Comics you should've read...if them please

So I promised a long while ago that I was going to write a blog about the top 10 comics every one should read.
Well that idea went down the tubes when I realized that there is no way in hell I could limit so many great comics to just ten.
There are so many great stories and too see those stories come to life with some of the best artists ever to put brush, pen, and pencil to paper.
I've been reading and collecting comics since I was a kid, and i honestly can not see how I could pigeon hole so many works of art. These windows of super feats would drive me to keep walking in the oppressive Miami sun just to see if the next Dark Horse Presents. Waiting for what seemed like an eternity for the bus to show up so I could take a hour ride to the other side of town just to rummage through the endless rows of boxes in hopes to finding some more undiscovered 2D worlds of heroes and villains. Every title a new universe of good vs evil, another cog on the gears of moral dilemma that moved the machine of conflict.
These worlds held names of faces that live so close to our hearts like the very Gods that most people worship in real life.
I could go on for days about the subject of graphic novels and comic books but it's time to get to the list.
There is a clause to this list. This list will be an open ended list, because for every comic I mention I know that I'm completely leaving out a really important one. So as I grow with more reading and appreciating I'll keep adding, but for now here is what I got so far.
PS This list is not in order of better and best. This is just a list of what i feel everyone should enjoy. Let's begin.

1. The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller
The Dark Knight Returns is one of the two comics that not only changed the way I looked at Batman but in comics in general. It was a growing pain from the campy and safe comics of my youth. Frank Miller took Batman and made him old, forgotten, and even more cynical than a Chuck Palahniuk story. The old image of Batman was gone. No more "ole chum" or Super friend anecdotes. This was a very brutal and angry cop doing what ever it took to tame the chaotic jungle of Gotham City. This, to me, was the first of Batman's transitions to the very earnest hero he has become.

2.Arkham Asylum by Dave McKean and Grant Morrison
Since, I'm still stuck on the Batman. I'll have to talk about the second comic that changed, but also ruined comics for me. Now understand when i say ruined, I don't mean I hated comics after reading Arkham. What I mean is that I couldn't settle anymore. Thanks to Dave McKean, comic books could be art pieces. I finally read a book that i could frame one of the pages and hang it on the wall and be taken seriously as work of art.
The story really picks at the fragile psyche of the man who wears a bat costume to a battle that he lost years ago. The scene in which Batman is having a word association exerciser that reveals some of the many weaknesses of The Dark Knight. Batman may have muscles and gadgets but the thin line between sanity and insanity is pushed farther and farther with every turn of the page.

3. The Push Man and Other Stories by Yoshihiro Tatsumi
Yoshihiro Tatsumi takes the under belly of post-war Japan and exposes it like a back alley abortion performed on Broadway. These tales of debasement have saturated every part of this collection. Stories of humanity, not only at its worse but at its most indifferent. This book will make you question the true worth of the human race and if there are any redeemable traits to be found at all. I couldn't recommend this graphic novel more. It will disturb you, but in a horrible way.

4.Lone Wolf and Cub by Kasuo Koike and Goseki Kojima
I'll stay on the island of the rising sun and meditate on the Lone Wolf and Cub. This long lasting series is in revenge. This story of a disgraced executioner of the Shogun who, along with his young son, must travel across the the nation of Japan to find and destroy the Yagyu clan. The long road in which Ogami Itto trudges through is soaked in blood and bodies and nothing can stop this stoic figure from his goal even it costs his or his son's life. This comic really changed the face of Japanese comics for me.
I always thought that all comics from Japan were Anime or something equivalent. When I first heard of this was actually through the movies that were made in the 70's. This story really touched on a side of Japanese "Manga" that is often forgotten behind of a curtain of doe eyed school girls and cat/Pamela Anderson hybrids.

5.Ghost in the Shell by Masamune Shirow
Now, I know that this graphic novel is more Manga that the previous two, but I feel the story transcends the silly of most Manga comics. The story is about a Major Kusinagi who is employed buy a CIA type anti-terrorist government organization that secures Japan from hidden menaces that threaten the Japanese way of life. Now, yes this graphic novel has a doe eyed,very voluptuous scantly-clad heroine, but the subplot of the story has become an obsession for me lately. Even TIME magazine called the eventual convergence of the human mind and computers as the "singularity". I was completely blown away by the dialogue between two cyborgs trying to define what humanity is and the fundamental difference between organic and inorganic based life. What is sentient life? If something, regardless if it is human or machine, becomes self aware can its life and thoughts be equal to a human even though it is artificial intelligence. This is a must. It has the action, sexual undertones, and in depth philosophy that isn't watered down by the guns and the boobs...well, maybe a little.

6.Hard Boiled by Frank Miller and Geoff Darrow
Now I a good Frank Miller Story, but these books are all Geoff Darrow. The art work in this book is a testament to the say that the "devil is in the details". To this day I'm still finding little tid-bits in every panel. I couldn't recommend this more if I could. Agoraphobia never had so much talent.

7. Ghost World by Daniel Clowes
Daniel Clowes is an incredible observer of the human condition. Ghost world is an incredible example of teenage angst with out it devolving into a mainstream homogenized Hannah Montana nightmare. Instead it really touches on sincere subjects that all of had to trudge through. Then moment when High School dies and adulthood comes a clawing.

8.Black Hole by Charles Burns
Charles Burns takes puberty and those awkward changes to a higher more disturbing level. A young woman coming to terms with boys, school, and life. The only difference is, teens are mutating. So growing into young adult has gotten even tougher and uglier, and life waits for no one no matter how deformed you are.

9 Cerebus, High Society by Dave Sim
I always considered Cerebus my highbrow, dry humor books. I've never got into the whole "fantasy" comics but Cerebus has a different approach. Out of all the books my favorite has to be High Society. High Society really gets the dishonest shady side of politics. Now I know the idea of a barbarian aardvark running for Prime Minister may sound a bit unconventional but there is nothing out of the ordinary when it comes to the corruption that comes with money, women, power, and hard ale. These read really does help with the Napoleon complex.

10.The Contract with God Trilogy by Will Eisner
There is a good reason why there is an Eisner award. Will Eisner is the best storyteller in comics ever. With stories like Dropsie Ave. that is a fast forward through s micro history of a street in New York. Dropsie Ave. is a racial, social and economical testament to the changing times in this small New York neighborhood. Will Eisner pulls no punches. The city is an uncaring and yet nurturing background that exposes the human condition in all its self destructive imperfections. Eisner embraces the fact that people can be equally cruel as well as benevolent. The Contract with God is another feature of the time honored near death practice of bargaining with God. Then A Life Force which is what it is. A cruel and relentless barrage of very harsh lessons of life. This is life, this is what Aliens will study about us. A fucked mammal with its never game of Russian roulette. This graphic novel from a master of his craft is not only an inspiration but proof that comics are not just for kids and should never taken taken for granted in any artistic and literary capacity.

So in this opened list of the Top 10 Comics You Should've Read. These are what i have so far. Now I know I left out a ton of really good books but I'll get to them and the best thing about this list. I have to keep collecting and reading until I get this definitive list done.
Cross I have to bare.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Almost almost there.

I know I owe the top 10 comics blog. I will be working on that this weekend, but I just wanted to inform everyone that I should be sharing a web site soon. I've been talking to Vanessa Del Rey about the site and details and hopefully we will have digital comics up soon.
I'm very excited. I can't properly express that short of urinating all over myself.
Trust me it won't be the first or last time that happens. Hear that ladies!?!
I'm just happy to finally get some of my stories out there. So we'll see where this goes.
I'm just content with no longer letting my ideas just sit and collect dust.
Aim high, and I'll see where this craziness leads us.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Ball is Rolling Big Time!!!!

So much has happened lately that I don't know where to begin.
I have recently recorded an EP with our band, that funny enough has finally decided on a name.
We're called Belafonte. So I'm excited to see where we go from here musically. Maybe we'll be playing a show soon. I will keep everyone updated and see where we go from here.
I know I still owe an Top 10 Comics you should read list, but March has truly been madness.
I have a lot of projects coming up and I'll post as much as stuff as I can.
I think i may have a reason to keep this blog going...I might actually know why I am saying all this!