So I'm writing again.
This is how it must be for my sanity and no one else.
From my last entry, I have to say that I was lost in an emotional whirl wind of shit.
It's funny how you can put so much emphasis on one person that you forget that your own self worth. Hell, you even forget you have a life. It may not be a James Bond life style of non stop action, but it is still your own.
I had forgotten this. i had forgotten myself.
Ferris Buller said it best. If you don't pay attention, life can pass you by.
He wasn't fucking around.
For the past six months I felt that I took one emotional back breaking blow after another. Sitting at home wallowing in a self made septic tank of self loathing and regret. Another beer, another cigarette, another reason to beat my self up, This is not who I am. But it happens to the best and worse of us.
I sat there for months torturing myself about some one special to me who had not only moved on, but was married and a family on the way.
Oppenheimer couldn't make closure this...efficient.
But life goes on.
This is a statement that was lost to me for a very long time. I couldn't let go, however there is no choice like the one you don't have.
So the feet must move. The journey must continue, regardless of how you feel or perceive yourself.
There must me motion, you must tredge through the trenches.
That which does not kill you, Gets you ready for the next event that will.
I can hack it.
I always do.
I'm stronger than what i give myself credit for.
And I can not be denied the talents that come from within.
New Dawns new days
Some start with sun, some start with rain.
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